The Napier – a Bogan Burger misfire

210 Napier St, Fitzroy
Phone: 9419 4240

It was an event which had been months in the making. It started last year, even. There was talk of smashing and burger domination. It was scheduled, then re-scheduled, then re-scheduled again. @thatjessho and I were down for some major bogan bashing. Bogan burger bashing, that is. So somehow with the Christmas feasting season, and then the following #fatty adventures, it turned out to be March by the time we got around to hitting up the Napier for the Bogan Burger challenge.

Now for those of you who aren’t familiar with the bogan burger, it’s a burger comprised of a steak, a chicken schnitzel, a potato cake, bacon and egg, and then a bit of vegetable matter to round it out. Here’s a couple of photos. The reason I don’t have photos of my own is because of Jesus.

It was Lent. And while I’m no Christian, I like novelty activities, and giving up red meat for Lent seemed pretty novel at the time. Now, I had counted on the gaping hole in my soul caused by denying myself pho for the 40 days… wait, so Lent causes a gaping hole in my soul, ready for the Devil to enter??? What I hadn’t really counted on was the fact that the Napier has a strict No Substitutions policy when it comes to their Bogan Burger. Gotta hand it to them for protecting the integrity or their product.

So we spent the afternoon basking in the wan Autumnal sun, sinking pints of cider and shooting the breeze. The Napier’s beer garden is good for that. Eventually, we thought we should probably eat something, though with that much liquid in our bellies, I’m ashamed to say we both baulked at the thought of the Bogan Burger that day. My excuse was my Lenten abstinence from red meat. Jess? Well, let’s just say she abstained in solidarity. Sort of. She ordered the regular beef burger.

… with crinkle cut fries! How much do we love crinkle cut? Nothing bespeaks true pub louder. Well, except maybe beer on tap. But it’s a close call.

As you can see, it’s a sizeable hunk of a patty. Smothered in melted, nay grilled, cheese, tomato sauce, and all that vegetable matter again.

I went for the chicken burger. Now I liked this, it was tasty, the chicken was well cooked, and there was a hefty whack of Caesar sauce/mayo. And I love the fact that the Napier serves their burgers with chips and coleslaw, not that insipid green salad that is difficult to stab with your fork and shove in your mouth. But just once, I’d like a place to do a chicken burger that’s actually a burger. You know, minced, with spices and stuff. A patty. A BURGER.

So no, we didn’t manage to get to the Bogan Burger. Apparently as bogans, we fail.

But as burger smashers, we totally still win.

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5 Replies to “The Napier – a Bogan Burger misfire”

  1. Ha! Novelty activities. Now I have a name for why I celebrate Christmas, Diwali, Eid, Speak Like a Pirate Day, Towel Day, solstice, Chinese New Year, etc. when I clearly don’t belong in any of the groups.

    Although I never considered giving up pho. In fact, I’m pretty sure I spent the last Good Friday, and the Good Friday before that eating pho.

    1. Well, it was only pho bo that I was giving up. I was totally still eating the pho ga. Like a boss.

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